Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
nerfbat

Happy Father'S Day (Joke Included)

Recommended Posts

Parenting Humor

Fathers then & now

Today is one of the first Father's Days of our new millennium. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:

 

In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.

 

Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.

 

In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses.

 

Today, it's the power of his 'Rolla.

 

In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success.

 

Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.

 

In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.

 

Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.

 

In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.

 

Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.

 

In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.

 

Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.

 

In 1900, fathers pined for old country Romania, Italy, or Russia.

 

Today, fathers pine for old country Hank Williams.

 

In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.

 

If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.

 

In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it's time for school."

 

Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: "Wake up, it's time for hockey practice."

 

In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.

 

Today, a father comes home to a note: "Jimmy's at baseball, Cindy's at gymnastics, I'm at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge."

 

In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.

 

Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE.."

 

In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles.

 

Today, a father spends $800 at Toys 'R' Us, and the kid screams: "I wanted Sega!"

 

In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes.

 

Today, it's Special K, soy milk, dry toast and a lecture on cholesterol.

 

In 1900, a Father's Day gift would be a hand tool.

 

Today, he'll get a digital organizer.

 

In 1900, fathers said, "A man's home is his castle."

 

Today, they say, "Welcome to the money pit."

 

In 1900, "a good day at the market" meant Father brought home feed for the horses.

 

Today, "a good day at the market" means Dad got in early on an IPO.

 

In 1900, a happy meal was when Father shared funny stories around the table.

 

Today, a happy meal is what Dad buys at McDonald's.

 

In 1900, a father was involved if he spanked the kid now and then.

 

Today, a father's involved only if he coaches Little League and organizes Boy Scouts and car pools.

 

In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.

 

Today, kids glance up and grunt, "Dad, you're invading my space."

 

In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters suiters with shotguns if the girl came home late.

 

Today, fathers break the ice by saying, "So...how long have you had that earring?"

 

In 1900, fathers pined for the old school, which meant a one-room, red-brick building.

 

Today, fathers pine for the old school, which means Dr J and Mickey Mantle.

Edited by nerfbat

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Members dont see this ad

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...